This Could Be The Last Blog

This last blog is something that has been sitting on my mind for sometime now, I seem to be putting pressure on myself to have it be the best. I want to accurately capture my feelings about this course, in a provocative, profound way, and through all my mapping out in my head of how it will look, I never came up with a solid plan, so here it goes. This class has changed my life, and I think it's for the better. This being my first class with Sexson, I really had not idea what to expect. I remember seeing him in the hall ways, with his shock of white hair, and those eyes that looked like they could stare right through you. It, to me, seemed as though there was an aura surrounding him, like he had this force that resounded from his being, I saw the people talking to him, always were smiling, and it looked like they were honored to be in his presence. I now feel that same honor as I stand in his aura, he is increasingly knowledgeable, and immensely intelligent, but of course those of you who took his classes already know this. When describing this class to my friends, and the effect it had on me the only thing I could think of to reference was acid. For the first few weeks I felt completely and utterly overwhelmed. How can I keep up? Do I fit in this class? But eventually I learned how to cope, my narrowing my focus on what interested me the most. Looking at the blogs and class notes really helped. I began to come around and felt like I was learning, and that I was going to enjoy the class. However, even with this new view point I still felt anxieties when leaving class. Just like acid no matter how many times you take it each time is so strange, you cannot anticipate or prepare for it, you just have to live with it. I remember describing it to my friends as a mind fuck, taking everything I thought I had pinned down, and seeing it blow around in the wind once more. But I think that's the point. We need to feel this way or else we won't try to get out of it, and find meaning. We need to run into the wall and get back up again, or else we will never learn what it means to hit rock bottom, and nothing will ever be pleasurable again. We need to get knocked down, so we can pick ourselves back up and figure out what is important. In the context of the class themes reading and writing were thrown out the window, I had to redefine what I understood these thing to be. I found a new lease on life if you will. And in the future I hope have this same sense of wonder that I now have with literature. Beckett, Eliot, Joyce, I had no idea, but taking this class opened my eyes to a new reality a better one, one with meaning. So I will go into the world with this knowledge and change what I can, I've got my copy of The Four Quartets with me, as I fall deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole, maybe I'll see you on the other side.